Disappointment

A few days ago my daughter was sitting in the floor beside me after a day of being semi-tortured by her little brother. She asked me "Do you remember when I was in the 1st or 2nd grade and I wanted you to have a baby?"

I looked at her with a smile on my face. "Yes I remember that. Are you rethinking that now?"

Her response was simple. "No, I'm not rethinking it. But, do you also remember that I wanted a baby sister?"

I paused for a moment. I remember the scenario well. She prayed for almost a year asking for a baby sister. She told everyone in the town where we were that I was going to have a baby girl. For almost a year, I had people coming up to me with congratulations. Some people even inquired as to how I knew that I was having a girl when I wasn't even showing yet. It got so annoying after a while, I had to threaten her. Another child was not in our plans.
After this year of prayer and meditation by my young daughter, I learned that I was pregnant at the age of 36. I was devastated. I would be 37 when this child was born. I was already tired and worn out and now I was starting over!!!! No more going out with my friends during the day or just being able to drop everything and go.....anywhere. I was very disappointed to say the least.
I knew without a doubt that this child had to be a girl. Moriah had already told everyone that she was having a baby sister and she had known that for over a year. It isn't often that you come across that kind of prophecy. But, it didn't matter to me. People would come up to me and ask if I wanted a boy or a girl. My response was always the same, "Moriah wants a sister, John wants a son, and it doesn't matter to me because I really didn't want either one." That was hard for some people to get. I was just being honest. I didn't want to be pregnant so it didn't really matter which flavor it was, I would be okay with it.
I also remember that moment in the doctor's office when it was obvious from the ultrasound that it was a brother we were a-having and not the long awaited sister. I remember the screams of "NO! NO! Change your mind! It's a girl!" that were heard throughout the doctor's office. Oddly enough, John and I were crying as well. John-tears of joy and well, I had been crying for months about the whole thing. But, as you know, I could not change my mind about the pregnancy or the gender. It was indeed a boy and a-coming he was...like it or not.
But, some 3 years later, I have acquired a somewhat different attitude about the situation. On this particular day, I thought for a moment about how to respond to my distressed daughter. She was exhausted from hiding from her brother for fear of yet again having her hair yanked until her head flung back like a little Moriah Pez dispenser. I knew how she felt. It appears to bring him so much joy.

This is the response that I came up with--"I know that you are disappointed that you didn't get the little sister that you wanted. We don't always get exactly what we want but we get what God knows that we need. How cool is it that out of all the little girls on this earth that God could have sent Luke to live with, he sent him to be your little brother? Isn't that cool?"

"Yeah Mom." she said, "that is cool. But.......I STILL had rather had a sister." We laughed and went on with the rest of our blessed day.

This morning in church the thought of this conversation with her and the answer I had given came back to me. The preacher was defining the prefix "dis" as apart from or a negative or reversing force. That hit me in the face like a ton of bricks (which was evident by my swollen face that I tried to pass off as a sinus issue). I realized that while expressing my disappointment, I had neglected to see that I was proclaiming my apartness (is that a word?) from my appointment. God said to me at that moment: "While I could have entrusted that precious little boy to any mother in the world, it was YOUR appointment!"

How cool is that?